Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My ass is underappreciated
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize