Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This is my gift to your gina
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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