Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
