At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Terrible idea I love it
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
