At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
