she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
