Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
