we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
