that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
