The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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