he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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