put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
