she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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