He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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