My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize