and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
