So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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