U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
