what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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