Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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