yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
