So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
