I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The uberlube is also flammable
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
