I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
