Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
