why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
