make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it glows. i had to have it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
