i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
