wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
