i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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