Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
