I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
