i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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