Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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