I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
