im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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