it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You're like the curious george of whores
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
