3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We are two peas in an std pod
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
