I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
either way he was missing a nipple.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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