I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize