I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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