when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I intend to get homeless drunk
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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