We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
