I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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