Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
