Pants 0. Shit 1.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
