just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
