i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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