Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
