what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
