There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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