Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize