He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
