Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
