Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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