can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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