Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
then he tried to convert me to islam
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
