Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
