Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize