I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
