i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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