i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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