Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
