if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
