I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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