Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
