Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Randomize
