she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
