i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
