nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
