Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
