Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
