there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
