You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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