I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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