the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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